Each one of us is born to a set of people who form our family or friends. Gradually as we grow, we develop liking and preference towards some while ignoring others the proximity they may deserve. So what are the dynamics that dictate our preference towards some people, while a gradual and slow distance towards others?Many factors play a role in deciding how closely we form and cherish our relation with some and distance with the rest - Upbringing, circumstances, responses from people in times of need, our own perceptions, preconceived notions about certain people and many more. While some or all of these can affect our behavior towards others, there is certainly a way out towards nurturing a healthy relation at any point of time in our lives.
Before blaming others for a failed relation, we should inspect our inner selves and find how willing we have been towards maintaining it:
1) A relation should always have a component of friendship. Friendship goes a long way, no matter which relation we apply it to. So get friendly with people before you jump into the relation.
2) A good relation requires you to be a good listener. Just hearing is not what a good relation is based on, listening - understanding what other person is trying to express goes a long way.
3) A virtue that every relation can grow on is being Sensitive to others. If you do not care about someone, you really cannot expect to maintain a good relation with him or her. This is specially the case when you relate to your close family and friends. Being sensitive to other's needs, wants or desires also helps you understand them better.
4) Expecting a return is the biggest mistake we make while nurturing a relation. Why should you have any expectations from people? If that is the base of your relation, it is bound to crumble someday. Being selfless and not expecting returns from any relation keeps it hassle free and easier to maintain.
5) Extend an unconditional support and love to those who matter to you. Why base a relation on some unwanted condition? It makes matters only bad to worse.
6) Learn to forgive. We as humans make mistakes. Then why should we sever our relations with someone if they have committed some mistake? True, some acts/deeds/words just cannot be forgotten or forgiven. But then it is for you to decide how close a particular relation is and what is its worth in your life in future. If it is worth it, a close relation or just someone you would not want to lose - then learn to forgive and move ahead with positive thoughts.
7) Communicate more frequently and openly. Sometimes it is difficult for others to assess and judge your hidden or unsaid emotions. Just as you may sometimes not know how others feel for you, similar is the case with others. Speak out what you feel - positively communicated feelings or thoughts create a stronger bond between people.
8) Leave your preconceived notions. Don't judge a person on what you have heard or read about. Let their reality decide your behavior with him or her.
9) Give them your trust. Though blind faith is fatal for a relation, trusting someone helps building a good relation. But yes, if your trust seems breached at some point in life, then do not sulk forever. Just know that people sometimes make mistakes, but can certainly be given a second chance.
10) Last but not the least, try and give more to a relation than just taking - it will not cost you. For every strong relation in your life, you will feel proud and happy if you have been giving more than just taking.
Though not every relation is worth maintaining, yet some like our family, extended family and friends are certainly worth it. Probably we can try and make our bonds and ties stronger by following the above. At the end of the day, its a short life - so why not make it happier and better by having as many good relations as possible?
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